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• Why I’m a Free-Range Mum (And Proud of It)

The Day I Got Labelled

So I think it was sometime back in the early 2020s that one of my Mum friends casually commented that I was such a free-range Mum. I didn’t give it much thought until I got home later that day, or maybe it was the next day or even the day after, but either way, I eventually googled the phrase!

You see, I’ve never given much thought to any particular ‘parenting style’ or where I fit in, but my friend had prompted me to do some googling.

Why It Stuck (And Why I Love It)

On that said day, when I was labelled a ‘free-range Mum’, I think she had said it because amongst other things, we were reflecting on how casual I am when my boys climb the rather large trees near the park across the road from their school most afternoons.

“I don’t know how you can let them climb so high up those trees and not worry!”

I think my boys were about 8 and 5 at the time, pretty sure it was a year or two into the ‘covid-era’.

Ok, not sure exactly how letting your kids, whether it be boys or girls, climb trees is being a free-range Mum, but after that little bit of Google reading/research I did, maybe she was right, maybe I was a bit of a free-range Mum!

What I discovered was that free-range parenting is basically about giving kids the freedom to explore, take age-appropriate risks, and learn independence. (Even though some people will probably frown at the idea of letting a 5-year-old climb so high unassisted). So, I thought, ‘Well, yeah, that’s exactly what I’m doing!’ It wasn’t that I was being careless – I was being intentional about letting them learn and grow.

You see, I’ve never tried to fit into any particular parenting style, I just parent the way I do, but now I am embracing this Free Range label 😋

What Free-Range Parenting Actually Means to Me

From the time my eldest turned 6 in kindergarten, he was eager to ride to school . . . . . . on his own. Now we don’t live too far from his school, about 1km, but there are roads to cross and a traffic light that needs to be navigated. I eventually relented and let him do it alone (with me stalking him for a week or two in the car from a distance behind to make sure he crossed at the lights safely).

You see I believe a parent knows when their kids are ready to be allowed to do things and at the time I felt my son was mature enough to tackle this on his own, whereas I don’t reckon I would have felt comfortable letting my youngest to do the same on his own at a similar age.

I think from the age of around 7 or 8, I let my eldest play on our streets alone or with some of the kids who lived in the surrounding streets. Within the last 6 months, he has also been allowed to spend time at a mountain bike park with just a friend, no adult, and more recently, go to the beach with that same friend, without a parent.

These boys have given me plenty of hospital trips over the years. There was the time my eldest misjudged a scooter landing at Sydenham Green Skatepark and chipped a chunk off his front tooth, the skateboard fall that busted his chin and left him with a permanent scar, and my youngest’s headfirst dive into a kids’ toilet at a shopping centre that earned him his own facial scar.

Then there was the phone call no mum wants to get: ‘Mum, I’m ok, but I just got hit by a car and the police are coming.’ The car had clipped his bike wheel, knocked him off, and the ambulance took him to the hospital as a precaution – all while he was on just his second solo train trip to the mountain bike trails with a friend.

These are just a couple of the countless misadventures my boys have experienced, but they kept skateboarding, they kept scootering, and they kept riding bikes and kept being inquisitive. I wasn’t going to stop them from being active and stop them from doing what they loved. I was intentionally letting them learn and grow, but what exactly is this parenting style I’ve stumbled into?

Wikipedia describes free-range parenting as “the concept of raising children in the spirit of encouraging them to function independently and with limited parental supervision, in accordance with their age of development and with a reasonable acceptance of realistic personal risks. It is seen as the opposite of helicopter parenting and tiger parenting.” And yeah, that pretty much sums up what I was already doing!

Other parenting websites advocate that the free-range parenting style is not about being too liberal or permissive or uninvolved, but instead it’s about allowing our kids to have the freedom to experience the natural consequences of their behaviour.

I mean, if one of my boys had fallen from the tree and broken a bone or stabbed himself in the eye with one of the tree’s branches, hopefully that experience might just teach him a better, safer way to climb those trees.

The Reality Check

When I think about it, my take on free-range parenting isn’t just about physical risks, but also about trusting your gut instincts about people and situations. When my eldest was 4, I let him have a sleepover at a daycare friend’s house – parents I’d only met at birthday parties and school pick-ups. But I trusted my gut about them, and I reckon that’s part of free-range parenting, too: learning to read people and situations.

As a mum, there’s stuff I won’t compromise on, like my boys wearing their helmets, making sure they eat breakfast each morning, and begrudgingly brushing their teeth after. I won’t let them watch adult movies, which I think are not suited to them, or stay out past dark, and I always make sure they check in regularly, whether that be by coming home a few times throughout the day or by phone.

As my boys are getting that little bit older, I feel that I’m giving them that little bit more freedom to make their judgment calls on what they should or shouldn’t do – I’ll always be there to give my two cents!

Closing

I’m a free-range parent, and proud of it. My philosophy is that they’re only kids for a short time; they’ll be adults for a lot longer, so I am giving my kids those real childhood experiences while they can still have them. My boys are both confident, social kids who are excelling in the classroom and at sports. But what I am most chuffed about is that they are happy!

What about you – do you let your kids do stuff that other parents might frown on? I’d love to hear your stories!